According to Page Six, Chrissy Teigen opened up for the first time about her battle with postpartum depression and anxiety in a new essay in the April issue of Glamour. The Sports Illustrated model, who welcomed her first child, daughter Luna Simone, with husband John Legend last April, described how her uneasiness began in August after she returned to work on Spike’s “Lip Sync Battle.”
“I was different than before. Getting out of bed to get to set on time was painful. My lower back throbbed; my shoulders — even my wrists — hurt,” she described. “I didn’t have an appetite, would go two days without a bite of food, and you know how big of a deal food is for me. One thing that really got me was just how short I was with people.”
Teigen, 31, recalled emotional moments in her dressing room, unsure what her unhappiness stemmed from. “I couldn’t figure out why I was so unhappy. I blamed it on being tired and possibly growing out of the role: ‘Maybe I’m just not a goofy person anymore. Maybe I’m just supposed to be a mom,'” she explained.
The cookbook author wrote that she would remain in her house for days on end, only making an appearance if she had a prior engagement. “When I wasn’t in the studio, I never left the house. I mean, never. Not even a tiptoe outside. I’d ask people who came inside why they were wet. Was it raining? How would I know — I had every shade closed. Most days were spent on the exact same spot on the couch and rarely would I muster up the energy to make it upstairs for bed,” Teigen shared. “John would sleep on the couch with me, sometimes four nights in a row. I started keeping robes and comfy clothes in the pantry so I wouldn’t have to go upstairs when John went to work. There was a lot of spontaneous crying.”
Following a physical in December, Teigen discovered she was suffering from postpartum depression and anxiety.
“John sat next to me. I looked at my doctor, and my eyes welled up because I was so tired of being in pain. Of sleeping on the couch. Of waking up throughout the night. Of throwing up. Of taking things out on the wrong people. Of not enjoying life. Of not seeing my friends. Of not having the energy to take my baby for a stroll. My doctor pulled out a book and started listing symptoms. And I was like, ‘Yep, yep, yep.’ I got my diagnosis: postpartum depression and anxiety.”
While Teigen never dreamed she’d be in this situation, she wants to use her platform to help other women going through the experience.
“Postpartum does not discriminate. I couldn’t control it. And that’s part of the reason it took me so long to speak up: I felt selfish, icky, and weird saying aloud that I’m struggling. Sometimes I still do,” wrote Teigen. “I’m speaking up now because I want people to know it can happen to anybody, and I don’t want people who have it to feel embarrassed or to feel alone. I also don’t want to pretend like I know everything about postpartum depression, because it can be different for everybody. But one thing I do know is that — for me — just merely being open about it helps.”